writing about vista: part 1

(These installments were written during my second year as an Americorps VISTA volunteer & family involvement coordinator at an elementary school. Results may vary.)

 1/27/11

i. on telling a story

my good intent: like best-laid plans

it tends to go awry

it follows no predetermined path

it follows instinct

a water strider making ripples on the surface of portent

scared into the middle by what’s brewing on the shore

its shadow warning living things below of the menace’s arrival

my steps issuing concentric circular signals

a beacon forming, illuminating fire doors

but i didn’t do it on purpose. i followed my instinct.

my subconscious a thick web of societal trust

my heart singing the story they taught me was worth telling

i was given feet that float long ago and expect thus

my courage dependent on silk woven to hold

ii. on service

you are not special. you are not one of them.

they are not yours to fix to help to make better to change

you are not the one who has the answers they need

you are not the one who has the money or the influence it takes

someone told you to be the change, it changed you

but you will not save the world today.

iii. on greatness

our great people say americans are special because we dare to dream

but i think we’re just fortunate enough to see dreams realized all around us

and brave(crazed) enough despite it all to say, “why not me?”

i didn’t learn that from a book, or a leader, or from history

i learned it at the north end elementary science fair.

a child who doesn’t know where she’ll sleep tonight

tells me she’s going to save the world

and i believe her, so

i begin again to dream of a world worth saving

it’s my job to help make it before she puts her cape on

i stopped sharing my writing for a month.

it's not the fever rush anymore. it doesn't have much to do with how i feel. it's not that i don't have things to say, or that i haven't been saying them. just not here, now. why?

there is a small sunporch behind my eyes where Inertia lives, taking up space that causes tension headaches. she is not kind or good, but she is the most popular in class and i want to be her because she's pretty and she doesn't have to try. she can sit and play make believe for hours, for years, and never look up. she can let the world go by, blithe and glassy-eyed, staring momentarily out the windows before turning back to what's inside. she wraps herself in blankets and hibernates: the sleep of the snow queen.

unfortunately, time catches up. it breaks a window and reaches in to shake her so hard it hurts. the pain in her neck spreads like tributaries down every limb. it is so overwhelming that she shuts her eyes weakly and waits. when it subsides, she cannot find herself.

time gripped me by the shoulders, whispered irrevocable words. "your father will die," he said. not today, or tomorrow, but someday. "we all die," that bastard shook into me. "even fathers."

i haven't found my reply.

yet.

i am obsessed with solange knowles' outfit

Seriously, the rest of the women in this Jezebel slide show can Ess a Dee. They all look exactly the same... until... ba-BAM! Tiny skirts run hiding from the power of this look!

Ok. I know when I wear giant sack-sweaters with high-waisted pants and a floppy hat, my friends put their sunglasses on, sink inconspicuously into their chairs, and give strangers pleading "Help! She escaped from the home and kidnapped me!" faces. Those friends can now officially ALSO Ess a Dee. Thanks, Solange.

Women

March 8th is the birthday of not only one but TWO young women very close to my heart. One a friend since very early childhood, another a family member and role model all my life. Thank you to these two for making the world a better place by being around! 

Besides that, it was inter-nat'lwomen'sday!!! Women all over the world celebrate this holiday -- in Cameroon, there's an official Women's Day pagne that is sported in myriad sizes and styles by all women who can, and there are parades and festivities. I'm not sure when the pagne trend will hit the US... hopefully ASAP. Maybe y'all should take a hint from me, or one of these ladies.

I could just keep adding onto this post forever... but it's time to stop editing and just post. Here are some recent items about women: a random amalgam.

Never-before-seen photos of the young Madonna. The linked photo is my favorite but from 26 on it's pretty amazing. Those eyes. The pictures taken with the -- "street kids"? "dancers"? -- are they her friends, or did she just find and embrace/ogle them?

"Women of the World" slideshow from Reuter's

The Great Wall of Vagina ?! Are you KIDDING ME, this artist is the best!

A former wife grieves. You know, she might be getting a ton of hate mail for writing disparaging remarks about a famous and talented musician, but it was refreshing for me to read this. I don't think it's vengeful, though she's clearly having a lot of negative emotions toward Carney. She seems to be telling these stories as carefully as she can -- recreating how it felt at the time -- I think that's what good writers can do. Of course it isn't objective, and neither are his reflections on their relationship in the new album. Love can be a shitty, messy, claustrophobic and unhealthy thing, but it always starts out good. A good (or the worst? hardest?) thing to remember when you're going through shit with someone, to remember what was good, what you valued.

Jane Feltes is how I imagine the older sister I never had: beautiful big bangs, knows everything, and doesn't mind when I watch her get ready for her dates from directly over her shoulder, or when I accidentally mush down all her lipsticks.

Women in Haiti in danger. I read this and think about what to do when people's lives are so unstable and invisible, when women are being hurt so badly, when they aren't getting the govt protection they deserve as citizens. I can't forget this and everything that's happened since last January. Here's where I go to find out if there's anything I can do.

There is, and I 'd argue that it's not just about women's rights to safety in Haiti when I see things like this. There is just so much to say.... but, most importantly: wherever we are in the world, we need to look out for each other. The world gets so heavy, but instead of letting it press us down, it must press us on. Every day, every day, every day.

here for your amusement: tremolo

i. palpitate

a winged creature tethered to the pole of discontent
the opposing leash a hindrance, migration true north
feathers furled, the anxious muscle pumping
the blurred rhythm's mechanical forward motion
throttling beyond its basis, electrical tension around fluid before release:
mesmerizing its listener
it buzzes, tuning

ii. shiver

garden frost
tendrils mimicking those that foreshadowed it
soft ferns now standing petrified in your merciful but all-encompassing wake
having climbed over cerebral pumpkins who slept deeply, unknowing
(dreaming, becoming carriages, carrying princesses to their destinies, their fates)
you crept silently, skating along windowpanes
fuzzing the hard edges of our wrought-iron fence
my face dilates in realization
delight and chagrin upon finding you this morning
unapologetic, glinting

iii. throb

[to be spoken]

pulse of the kick shatters precious metal ear drums
exposed, each cell's complicity, the sacristy the rib cage rings
unstoppable creation of vibration of conflation of
foundational elements mesh, fabricated function
compunction undeniable, concoct a fresh unction
harsh harsh desire to pile it on the pyre
conspirers hide the water then yell fire fire fire
find a moccasin to walk in, and walk the high wire
friction of skin on flint whips wind around the spire

"Thank you for your work," he said.

 OH YOU'RE WELCOME, GOVERNOR DAYTON! YOU KNOW ME, JUST DOING MY PART!

"We need you young people, young idealists. You are making a difference in Minnesota."

WELL WELL WELL! IF YOU SAY SO! eheheh Heeheehee HAAHAA oh Flusterflusterflushhhhhhh amiflushed?iamflushhhheddddd.

Phew. All in a day's work.

unrest: synthesizing

things we've been ruining include: our planet. humans' unnatural influence on earth's geology has pushed us into a new era: the anthropocene. is it just me, or is it getting warm in here?

strength in resolve, whether the press covers your peaceful protest or not.

destroying and recreating: refer to image 12. "the only piece of advice that continues to help: anyone making anything new only breaks something else" -- dawes, when my time comes

some good points by George Lakoff on the state of the union. thanks mom.

and thanks to chloe for this article/slideshow about an interesting dude who seems to be making a lot of money on street art. how does he do that? he's trying not to go all banksy and shit, but in a lot of ways... he's making too much green not to. anyway, it's not about the money, right? the art is WOW in my (heh, humble) estimation.

a beautiful lady leaves you: SO LISTEN UP.